Cela se déroule en avril 2010. Mavi est étudiante à "University of Queensland" pour devenir sage-femme et a un petit boulot à côté.
La journée a été longue et fatigante. J’ai eu cours à l’université toute la matinée, après avoir passé la nuit sur un essay que je devais rendre dans la journée d’aujourd’hui, et après le déjeuner je me suis rendu au boulot. Afin de pouvoir payer mon loyer et tout ce qui va à côté, j’ai dû trouver un petit boulot à côté de mes études de sages-femmes. Si cela n’est pas vraiment facile tout le temps parce que cela ne me laisse pas énormément de temps libre pour faire autre chose, j’ai quand même la chance de pouvoir étudier. Cela fait maintenant environ un an que j’ai eu la chance de lâcher mon petit studio de vingt mètres carrés afin d’emménager avec mon meilleur ami dans un appartement plus grand. Le fait d’être en colocation nous permet à tous les deux de payer moins en ayant un espace plus grand et puis, ce n’est pas comme si on ne se connaît pas. Cela fait des années que Jaeden et moi nous connaissons, des années qu’entre nous il y a cette amitié qui survit à toutes les épreuves. Elle a survécu pendant des années à la distance lorsque je vivais à l’autre bout du pays, et aujourd’hui je suis sûr que la colocation est faite pour nous. Les prises de tête sont rares et si cela arrive, c’est en général régler en quelques minutes. On ne sait pas se faire la tête, c’est comme ca.
En sortant du boulot, je m’arrête au supermarché afin d’acheter de quoi faire à manger pour ce soir parce que je sais que le frigo commence à être sacrément vide. Si Jaeden et moi n’avons pas encore eu le temps d’aller faire des courses, au moins nous aurions à manger pour ce soir. Ce n’est qu’une vingtaine de minutes plus tard que j’arrive devant notre immeuble et je monte les marches quatre à quatre. Je sors les clés, tentant de ne pas faire tomber tout ce que j’ai dans les bras par terre. Ce n’est qu’en arrivant à quelques mètres de la porte que je sursaute en voyant une silhouette assise par terre devant la porte de mon appartement. « Jeeeeez! » Jordan. Un ami à Jae que nous hébergeons de temps en temps sur notre canapé pour… A vrai dire je ne connais pas vraiment la raison parce que je n’ai jamais vraiment pu discuter à fond avec le blond. « Hey Jordan. Looks like you need a place to crash. » je lui adresse un sourire. « You should have called. How long have you been waiting for Jae or me? » cela ne me dérange pas d’héberger de temps en temps des amis. Je déverrouille ma porte d’entrée. « Come on in. »
May 2010 You’re not sure if Jae will let you stay at his place again tonight. You crashed his place few days ago for what should have been one night only and… And you needed a roof for a bit more and he let you. He is that nice. He could have told you to fuck off but he didn’t. It’s not even like you are very close friends. You never hang out together really but somehow, you guys are friends. You feel him like that. Jae is someone you can count on and it has nothing to do with how many hours you spent together in your life until now. It’s a feeling. It’s real. You were here for him at a critical moment of his life and you knew he would understand your current situation. He didn’t disappoint and you’re trying not to ask for too much. But the truth is, Maria’s family is staying longer than initially planned. You went back at your father’s for two nights and you just can’t do more. It’s too hard. Everything about his place feels so wrong. All the looks he gives you. All these made up sentences he says. He actually doesn’t know what to say but still he talks. Why does he try to fill the silence now when he’s been avoiding you for the most of your life? And all that counts for his wife too. Your step mom. I’ll never call her that. Cos she left you on the side since forever also that bitch.
« Jeeeeez! » You didn’t see her either. Your earphones in, listening to Sleeping with sirens, a new band a friend told you to check. You fucking love their songs. You have them on repeat for a few days now and looks like it will last for even more. « Sorry. » The last thing you want to do is scare her and bother her. « Hey Jordan. Looks like you need a place to crash. » « Yeah… » You nod while avoiding her eyes. You’re not very proud of having to ask for such big favors. « You should have called. How long have you been waiting for Jae or me? » She is way too nice because from what you hear, looks like she is not mad or annoyed by your presence here. You take off your earphones because on top of everything you really don’t want to seem rude. You’re not gonna ignore her. « Not long. » Not true also.
« Come on in. » Defnitely don’t want to ignore her who is so nice opening her home for you without asking any question. Jae must have explained her… She must be pitying you and truth is, you don’t really care. You don’t care about much things lately. Rosa is still unconscious, it’s been weeks and all that matters to you is staying one more day on this planet in case she finally wakes up. « Thanks… » You notice she has groceries with her. You will try to get them something next time. You’ll try to get money somehow. You don’t know yet how but you will do your best. You know you need to find a job rather than doing nothing but the motivation to do anything is so low, you didn’t get to this yet. Once inside, you put your backpack on the sofa and you turn to Mavi.
« I actually haven’t asked Jae yet if I could crash here tonight. » You almost add a lie, saying you could go some other place if this is a problem but you don’t have the strength. You have no other place to go. All your close friends are in Byron Bay or totally outside Queensland. Doesn’t help at all in these times. « And I never asked… If it was okay with you. Sorry I’m not much of a talker… But I assume Jae checked with you. I mean… I hope he did. I don’t want to bother you or him I mean… » What are you trying to say Jordan? « I just mean thank you really. »
I never really mind having people staying over, I actually even quite enjoy it. I’ve always been quite social and being around people, even people I don’t know, has never been hard for me. So when Jaeden invites some of his friends to sleep on the couch I don’t really care. Moreover, Jae and I usually share the same friends as well. We spend so much time together, at our place and outside, that we ended up having the same group of friends. Some of them make jokes about us and keep on telling us that we look like a couple, and this makes us laugh. Jae is my best friends, like a brother, and never I would ever thought about anything else with him. That is also why we respect each other, and if one of us doesn’t feel like having guests, we tell each other. We have never been shy with telling each other how we feel, so if Jordan was a problem, my best friend would know.
Just as I arrive in front of my apartment, I notice Jordan, waiting for someone sitting on the floor. I don’t know the details of his life, Jae just told me that he lives in a situation a little bit complicated and that he needs people to support him. I did not ask more questions. « Sorry. » I smile at him and insert my key inside the lock. It looks like he has been waiting for a while in front of the door. « Not long. » « Next time just give me a call. I’m not that far from the apartment. » I smile again and enter the flat with him.
« Thanks… » I go directly to the kitchen and start putting the groceries away. Jordan seems to be already at home and it makes me smile. If he acts like this, it’s probably that I didn’t scare him away or made him uncomfortable last time he was around. Once I finish putting the groceries away, I join him in the living room and take my shoes off. « I actually haven’t asked Jae yet if I could crash here tonight. » I know Jaeden, he would never say no. Jaeden is one the good guy, he wears his heart on his sleeves and he is always here to help others. « And I never asked… If it was okay with you. Sorry I’m not much of a talker… But I assume Jae checked with you. I mean… I hope he did. I don’t want to bother you or him I mean… I just mean thank you really. » I smile again. « No stress, you can stay as long as you need you know. » I put my shoes in the entrance. « Jae didn’t tell me everything, but I’m never against helping one of his friends. » I sit on the couch and yawn before looking at the blond. « How do you two know each other by the way? He never said. » I’m being curious but before Jordan came crashing on our couch the first time, I had never heard of him.
« Next time just give me a call. I’m not that far from the apartment. » You really don’t know why she is so nice but she is restoring your faith in humanity. If you stick with the right people, you might get through this hell. You’ll try. If you really want to. I want to. Yeah, deep down, you really want to. Once inside she is again putting you comfortable with the best words she could have said. « No stress, you can stay as long as you need you know. » Thank you so much. You know you thank a lot but you just feel like it. It’s not nothing what she’s doing even if she makes it look easy. You totally can’t help out someone like they do. You don’t have a home and you don’t even want to start asking your dad for favours. The truth is you could get someone sneaking in your room without him noticing but using the bathroom and stuff, that would get more complicated. You can do to a certain extend. « Jae didn’t tell me everything, but I’m never against helping one of his friends. » Too nice. Seriously. She is an angel that woman. « How do you two know each other by the way? He never said. » Looks like he didn’t say much and you’re quite surprised that he kept all that for him considering it’s her flat too.
« We were in school together when we were kids. » You don’t really go deeper in this explanation because there isn’t much more to say. « Somehow we help each others when needed… » That’s the truth. That’s also the definition of friendship for you. Someone that you can count on when times are hard.
« Most of my close friends are outside the city… I could go to them but… I don’t want to go too far because my girlfriend is in the hospital… I’m going to see her almost everyday… So thanks again for letting me stay. » It’s important, she probably can hear it in your voice. You sit down on the couch that will also be your bed. You really don’t mind, it’s perfect. « And you two? Did you just end up being roomates? » You don’t know much about Jae’s life either. Your friends are not his friends. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to go to him, because you’re both totally cut from the rest of your circles. It’s like an escape. An easy way out. Somewhere you don’t have to worry about anything other could say because nobody knows.
I have never been the kind of person who like letting others in shitty situation. I have always been like that, wanting to help all the time and right now is no different. Jordan seems to really need some help and some company, so it only takes me a few seconds to invite him in. I have trouble trusting people, probably due to some stuff I went through when I was a teenager. However, I never want to see the worst in people. Jordan seems like a good man and if my best friend trusts him, then so do I. I cannot help but be curious and ask him where he met Jaeden. I know if I had ask Jae he would have told me, but I did not really expect to see Jordan back. « We were in school together when we were kids. » I smile at him and sit on the couch. « Somehow we help each others when needed… » « Well, that’s what friends are for after all, isn’t it? » Friends are supposed to be here when you need support, when your life seems like it is falling apart, they are here to pick you up. And it seems like it exactly what Jaeden is doing for the blond.
« Most of my close friends are outside the city… I could go to them but… I don’t want to go too far because my girlfriend is in the hospital… I’m going to see her almost everyday… So thanks again for letting me stay. » I smile at him again. « Oh… I’m sorry. Is she going be okay? » Looking at his face, I can imagine that she is not. He lost his smile talking about her and I assume it can only mean one thing: she is very sick. If I knew him better, I would probably give him a hug right now. « I know we don’t really know each other but… If you ever need to talk, I’m here, or only a phone call away. » I smile again, trying to cheer him up a little bit.
He finally changes the subject and start talking about Jaeden again. « And you two? Did you just end up being roomates? » « Nah. Jae and I met in camp when we were seven. We’ve been friends since then and when I moved to Brissie when I was eighteen, well, we ended up being roomies. I really love living with him, I couldn’t imagine better. » I am lucky, that’s for sure and I wouldn’t switch places with anyone else. Jaeden is my best friend, my confident, my rock, and living with him has been amazing so far. « I’m lucky to have him, he’s amazing. »
She takes place next to you and somehow, everything seems just right. You don’t know her but she is basically all you need right now. She’s way too good. « Well, that’s what friends are for after all, isn’t it? » Yeah. And you really start to think that something will go wrong again in a near future. I don’t know what can be worst than the current situation. True dat. Rosa is between life and death, pretty much the worst of anything for you. Can’t live. Can’t die. You’re just in between. The world is stopped. You wait. You can’t do shit about it either. You’re useless. You’re drained. That shit is fucking exhausting. « Oh… I’m sorry. Is she going be okay? »
« I don’t know… » You know absolutely nothing. Doctors don’t know either. She’s not brain dead. That’s all you know, but it is not enough for you. « I know we don’t really know each other but… If you ever need to talk, I’m here, or only a phone call away. » Why on earth is she so nice? You really didn’t think that kind of people existed. She is not just anyone. True. She’s Jae’s friend. That counts for something. For a lot. You don’t really know what to tell her so you thank her with your eyes once more. You try to change the topic to her, because you want to know more. You also want to think about other stuff if you can. At least you try. « Nah. Jae and I met in camp when we were seven. We’ve been friends since then and when I moved to Brissie when I was eighteen, well, we ended up being roomies. I really love living with him, I couldn’t imagine better. » You nod. You are picturing you moving in with Rosa. Would be the dream. If she was here, you would move your ass to get a job so you can pay a rent for her. You’d be the happiest man alive. « I’m lucky to have him, he’s amazing. »
« Yeah he is… » A short pause before you start talking again. « You seem amazing too. » But your face doesn’t lit up with any smile. Life is too hard lately. « Where do you work? Do you study at the same time? » Cos you start thinking of maybe getting a job. You don’t know if you will really be motivated enough, but taking notes of possibilities is another way of keeping your mind off things. Kinda works. Kinda need whiskey also.
Dernière édition par Jordan Fisher le Mer 3 Juin 2020 - 2:42, édité 1 fois
« I don’t know… » He suddenly seems so scared, so worried, that I want to give him a hug. I can’t imagine how he must feel having his girlfriend at the hospital, it must be really hard for him. And now I understand why he does not live Brisbane with his other mates, I understand why he needs to stay in town and probably why he does not want to be alone. « I hope she’ll be okay… » I say in a murmur, putting my hand on his arm gently. He just needs support, and I think I can be good at it.
Jordan asks me about Jaeden and just the mention of his name makes me smile. I have known Jaeden since I was seven and he is one the best things that ever happened to me. He has always been here for me. I am very lucky to call him my best friend and to be able to live under the same roof as him. I honestly do not know what I would do without this guy in my life. He has been my rock, my best friend and my confident for so long. « Yeah he is… You seem amazing too. » I smile at him and sit next to him on the couch. « Oh thanks. I do my best. » I always try at least. I want to be there for people, I want to positive and I want to try and always be the best version of myself I can be. It is not always easy, but I think I manage. « Where do you work? Do you study at the same time? » « Yeah I do both. I studying to become a mid-wife, and I work in a small coffee shop near the campus. » I give him a smile again. « It’s not always easy to juggle both, but it’s okay. I needed to go away from home anyway, so Brissie sounded like a good option. My brothers live there as well. » Even if my relationship with Carter is still complicated, it feels good to know that him and Nicolas live close by. Nico is here to help me a lot when I need and I feel grateful for that. Plus, getting away from my parents and their overprotective hands is just what I needed.
« I hope she’ll be okay… » You bite your cheek from the inside. You don’t want to start crying in front of her. You’ve cried enough today. You’re stronger than that. It’s so hard. You hope that she’ll be okay too. But there is nothing to do but hope and that’s a problem for you. It’s so difficult to find hope in anything. Her state has the same for too long. You have nothing to hold onto. So you keep on with the conversation, trying really hard to get the tears to go back down in your system. « Oh thanks. I do my best. » If you were not so desperate to be helped by her you would start thinking it’s a bit weird that she is so nice.Is she hiding something ? Calm down Jor. She really is just super nice. I know you’re not used to that and it’s a lot, but she is. She’s Jae’s friend. She’s one of the good ones.
« Yeah I do both. I studying to become a mid-wife, and I work in a small coffee shop near the campus. » A mid-wife? You really don’t get the attraction to see random people’s vagina everyday. But it does seem like something complicated to do and she is doing it while she works on the side. You are quite impressed but her motivation. You need to find some too Jordan. I know. « It’s not always easy to juggle both, but it’s okay. I needed to go away from home anyway, so Brissie sounded like a good option. My brothers live there as well. » You hear Mavi but you’re also quite deep in your thoughts. You try to ignore the words Rosa told you last. You were fighting about your studies. You hate yourself so much right now. You bite your cheek again. Do. Not. Cry. You take a step towards the hallway.
« Bathroom… » And you turn around fully to get in there and have a good cry. You turned the water on to kinda try to hide the noise you’re doing. You try to cry in silent but you have no clue really. You’re too sad you can’t control anything about whatever sounds are going out your body. You try to calm down fast but you actually don’t really know how long you’ve been in there. You peed at the same time and then you sat down on the toilet for a few minutes. Looking straight at the wall in front of you. You’re here, but you’re not. After looking at yourself in the mirror you go back in the living room and you already know she won’t comment on whatever just happened. She will see your red eyes. There is no way for you to hide them.
« I’m quite tired… Is it ok if I sleep now? Don’t worry about the noise I’m not bothered. » You are also super tired from the crying and all your emotions. You will definitely fall asleep quick.
Dernière édition par Jordan Fisher le Jeu 4 Juin 2020 - 18:42, édité 1 fois
I can see Jordan is sad. His eyes get watery and I just want to give him a hug. I’ve always hated seeing people sad, it just breaks my heart every time. I cannot imagine what the blond is going through, having his girlfriend in the hospital, and apparently for something serious, must be really hard. I try to find some comforting words, but nothing comes out. « Bathroom… » I point the bathroom, even though I know he knows where it is and he disappears. Well done Mavi, you made him sad. I decide de leave him alone for a few minutes, because he apparently needs it. I wish I could do something more for him, I wish I could ease the pain he seems to have. I wish I could make everything go away at least for a couple of hours, because that the way I am. I want to help people, whatever they are going through. Jaeden never told me about Jordan, or about his story, but I understand that he just wanted to keep his privacy, and I cannot be mad for that.
« I’m quite tired… Is it ok if I sleep now? Don’t worry about the noise I’m not bothered. » I did not hear him come back and turn around to face. I smile. « Yeah, of course. You know what, take my room, I’ll sleep with Jae tonight. » I can see he is surprised again, but before he can say anything I talk again. « You don’t have a choice, and I promise you, I don’t mind. » Maybe I am too naïve, maybe I should not trust him to stay in my room, but if Jae trusts him, then I do too. I take a pile of clean sheets and go with him to my room. « Just help me put the sheets on. » Together, we put the sheets on the bed, putting the old one in the washing machine. « If you need anything else, water, food, just make yourself at home okay? » I smile at him again and leave the room so he can sleep.
« Yeah, of course. You know what, take my room, I’ll sleep with Jae tonight. » Obviously she is okay with that but you didn’t expect her to let you her room. She is a fucking angel. You are in a dream and you will make it last as long as you can. She offers you a roof, food also sometimes. Not tonight. You don’t even want to eat anything. You want to crash in the sofa and stay there with your eyes closed. You’re sure you will sleep fast. You’re exhausted in every way possible. But you will crash in her bed instead. In a nice comfy bed. « You don’t have a choice, and I promise you, I don’t mind. » You don’t have the words.
« Thank you. » Nothing else can be said to express your gratitude. Maybe tomorrow you’ll find something better to say. Maybe you’ll find a gift that will be as big as what she is doing to you. Nothing. Yeah. You will never forget how good she’s been with you. Never ever. Mavi is an angel. « Just help me put the sheets on. »
« Yeah. Sure. » And you even want to do it all yourself but it’s her room and her bed, you don’t want to kick her out. You just want to thank her until the end of times. Does she realize how much she is doing for me now? You’re not so sure. It seems so natural for her. « If you need anything else, water, food, just make yourself at home okay? » You nod while looking at her leaving her own bedroom. You took your stuff with you and you just sit there on her mattress. You take off your shoes, you lie down, and you just stay there. Silent. With your thoughts. You don’t fall asleep as fast as you thought. There is so much going on in your head.
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